Okay.  So we all have problems.  Welcome to being a human being.  Hoorah!

We don't like these problems.  Weight problems.  Money problems.  Drama problems.  Relationship problems.


We all have these problems in our lives, and the great thing is, that they are wonderful opportunities for us to grow. 

These problems are our school work of life. 

They are the big projects for the classes we've signed up for.  They may be our final exam, or thesis project, or even the dreaded group work. 

However they may look, we actually chose these problems because we knew that by working through our particular problems, we'd grow and stretch and become more of the wonderful being that we really are.

But here's the thing.

I think in Western Society has kind of stucked us up a bit in how we are taught to tackle our problems.  We get all stuck in trying to figure out the "why" a problem exists.

Personally, I blame Freud.  I mean, isn't it great to blame our mother for everything?  Sure!

But.  I find that we are WAY to focused on finding out "why" something exists.  Sure, I've gone down this path myself.  And I've jumped in the mucky muck and rolled round in it and analyzed every single piece of dirt to understand that this THIS! is the reason that I'm so screwed up!

So I thought, finally, FINALLY!  I can move on from this!  Because I UNDERSTAND it.

But you know what?  Nothing much changed.  I was still screwed up.  Sure, I now had something to blame, but that didn't really help me get anywhere I wanted to be.

I see this with my clients too.  We all want to dig into our past, and look at our mother or our father or that horrible traumatic experience that we went through.  And we think that if we can really truly understand the problem, we will be HEALED.

Now, I will say that sometimes that actually does work, especially if it can bring awareness to a choice you made (like, having an abusive father and then picking abusive men to date).  But usually it doesn't get you very far towards your destination.

Think of it this way...

You're driving along, going to a party.  You're friend gave you detailed directions on how to get to the party.  Things are going fine, and then suddenly, you find yourself lost.

You have no idea why you got lost.  So you go back, and you retrace your steps.  Sure enough, you followed the directions just fine.

You begin to wonder - did you write down the directions wrong as she was giving them to you?  Did she accidentally give you the wrong directions?  Was there some new construction that changed things?  Why did this happen??

Do you want to circle back, over and over again, to figure out why you have the wrong directions?

Is that going to get you to the party?


You have to stop, figure out what other resources you have that can help you get there (a map, call your friend, ask for directions, whatever), and take action to go forward.

Where in your life are you spending to much time trying to understand how you got lost? 

What actually needs to happen so that you can get back on track to get to where you really want to go?

And then.  Take action.

Because sure, you can know that you need to pull over for directions.  But if you don't do it, then what good does that do?

It's time to let go of the compulsive need to understand why.  And it is time to move forward into action and change your life.